So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
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if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize