i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
