I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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