I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
