More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Randomize
