I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
