I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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