i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
