you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
