A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
