drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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