The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
