i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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