We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
