you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
