Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
