wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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