Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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