and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
