oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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