i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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