Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
