Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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