the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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