Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
