Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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