Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
