I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
