dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
