i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
