Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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