:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
