he puts the penis in happiness.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There are leaves in my underwear?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
