small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
