there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
