he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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