just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
