she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
