"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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