we have officially lost it.
I think I died a long time ago.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
