i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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