Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
