Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
not ubering you a puppy
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize