I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
