Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
