3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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