dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
