What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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