Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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