You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
