I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
