You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
