How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
