he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
