Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
