he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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