I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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