i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
