You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
