somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
