He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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