STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Randomize
