I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I lost the right to judge tonight
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
