Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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