I cockslap morals
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
