My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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