I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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