Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
