I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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